There's Something You Don't See Every Day...

A War Bond Punching Hitler!

...And Mussolini! And Tojo! Now that's value for your investment!

Thanks to Ali for the link. I do not have artist credits, but maybe it's Jim Mooney, who did Four Favorites #1.

Sorry this is late going up. I forgot to schedule one for today, and then my internet went down a few hours.

I Didn't Necessarily MEAN To Make this "Ladies Week."

But after the WAC-tastic last few days, I just had to follow up with this picture:

On the original Flickr page, it says "V-E Day. The armband worn by the Hitler dummy was sent back from a Hoosier private to his wife in Indy. "

But I prefer the caption that Ali gave me on her email to submit this: "Women ROCK! Kick HITLER BITCHES!"

Thanks, hon. You're a credit to your gender!

HGP is Not Done Loving the Ladies!

Although, I feel that today's picture requires some context, or it looks like Hitler has little to complain about...


I assure you, this is the aftermath of some severe Hitler-Punchery.

Olaf: 'Nuff Said.

Humiliation is Definitely In the Mission Statement

It's an afternoon post! Which means one of two things:

1. Flex has risen from the grave to post something, like the Hitler-Punching Robot Zombie¹ he is.
2. I've gotten an original anti-Hitler artwork submission!

Spoiler: it's the latter.

And since I've been focusing on the "Not-Really-Weaker-At-All" Sex, how appropriate that this prime example of #7 from the Mission Statement:

...Um, that is, uh...not to imply that being a woman is foolish...er...if you are...a female reader...

I mean...you all look very nice today...²

Thanks to the genuinely awesome Alexis Martino for the artwork. Your HGP Fun Bucks are in the mail...

---

1. Note to self: Find a picture of a Robot Zombie punching Hitler, STAT!
2. Note to self: Send female readers flowers, STAT!

HGP Continues to Love the Ladies...

I like the idea that Hitler is being henpecked.



And by "henpecked," I mean "about to be pecked to death by wild hens after this WAC knocks him the hell out with a honkin' big rolling pin."

Thanks again, Olaf.

Scuffle with Hitler and Steal His Briefcase, Now with Hilarity!

*awkward pause*

Hey.

So, remember that classic BBC show Red Dwarf, well they don't skimp on the Hilter abuse either. Check it out, the fun begins around 1:54 (but it's worth watching the whole clip for context):

He had it coming. You don't get to commit genocide and keep your briefcase. Besides the physical abuse and property seizure... it' the verbal barbs that will last a lifetime. Asshole.

This is a clip from the Red Dwarf season III episode "Timeslides." Written by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor and directed by Ed Bye. Originally aired December 12, 1989.

Hat tip to Rory for the lead on some Red Dwarf related Hitler abuse.

HGP Loves the Ladies

Far be it from me to deny that Hitler Punching is often seen as an overtly masculine activity.

But here at HGP, we are all about equality for the skirts. If a dame wants to sock Hitler but good...

...it would be unchivalrous to tell her no.

Thanks to Olaf for showing that a frail can still do her part almost as well as a man. I don't know the original source of this WAC promotion, but I do know that I have more to come.

Then There Was That Time A Train Punched the Axis Leaders...

Sometimes, you just have to ignore the lamentable casual racism of a propaganda poster to focus on the the fact that...

A TRAIN JUST PUNCHED THE HELL OUT OF HITLER!

Seriously.

A train.

With fists.

Is punching Axis leaders.

It looks like my fanfic is finally coming true.

Thanks to Hayden War for tipping me off to this fantastic poster, which I wish I had more information about.

Hitler Punches Cap? WHAAAAAT?

So, I was thinking to myself, "Self, on ones of occasions, it has been pointed out that Hitler never gets a chance to punch back. Is that fair?"

And so, I decided to give Adolf a chance to redeem himself...

Looks like you blew it again, Hitler.

Honestly, what a Spülungssack.

Like I'd give him a fair shot ever. Especially on Memorial Day.

Hitler epically fails to turn the tables on a drugged Cap in Tales of Suspense #67, written by Stan "The Man" Lee with pencils by Jack "The King" Kirby and inks by Frank "Ray" Giacoia. I found this one all by my lonesome, believe it or not.

Bayonet Fortnight, Day Fourteen!

Two solid weeks of stabbing Hitler, folks.  Usually in the tuchus.

I think the Bayonet Week tag needs to go on a little vacation:

Tune in tomorrow for something a little different. Involving fists. But not how you might expect it...

Thanks again Olaf. I was hoping to get my hands on luggage this sweet, but it was already sold...

Bayonet Week, Day Thirteen!

Looks like I may have to change the site's name. No one will let Bayonet Week end.

Listen Hitler, don't say I didn't warn you.

Who says 13 is an unlucky number? This feels great to me.

Not sure the origins of this. Maybe I should ask rcs, since he submitted it.

Bayonet Week, Day TWELVE?!?!

Holy hell...I cannot believe I have another Bayonet Week entry.

But, every time I try to wrap this series up, another one shows up.

WHEN WILL THE BAYONETING STOP!?!?!¹

Thanks again to Olaf, who discovered this here.

One more thing:

I am going to trim the rate of content back to a single morning entry per day from now on, unless I have guest art submissions, which will go up in the afternoon. I have a huge backlog of pics and vids right now (Olaf alone probably has submitted another 30-40 things you haven't seen), so lack of content is not an issue - I just want to have a little more free time outside of work to pursue my (admittedly limited) non-Hitler-Punching-related interests. Scheduling these isn't amazingly time consuming, but I have been far too busy to keep as far in advance as I would like to be.

Rest assured however, as long as I have the material, there will be daily content.

---

1. Hopefully never.²
   
2. But probably today.
   

I Would Prefer the Name "Destroy All Hitlers," But...

...I refuse to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Of course I have embedding difficulties at a time when I have been given a video link to the Greatest Idea For A Game In History. Please click and watch.

Go on. I'll wait.









That's Right: Hitlers Must Die.

Plural.

A multi-Hitler killing spree.

I have never felt more blessed.

Created by the team at Cryptic Sea, this game (which is part of a series of mash-up games called No Quarter) was originally described as "Mario + N + Wolfenstein." Which is, quite frankly, about as perfect a High Concept as has ever been made.

By the way, I'm thinking about starting a "Failed Video Embedding Week" now that I've run out of bayonet pics* (heavy sigh and a rolling of eyes).

Prolific blogger (and writer of excellent webcomics) Kevin Church tipped me off about this, which he discovered here. If you haven't checked out Kevin's numerous web ventures, you really should.

*Or at least, I have run out as of 8:25 AM on Thursday, May 21.

Bayonet Week, Day Eleven!

Bayonet Week limps onward like an obese man trying to take one last trip to the buffet with this, the second failed attempt to embed in as many days.

But once again, I do have screencaps.

But you can't make a silk purse out of Hitler's ear, so I'm showing them small. They're actually more legible that way. If anyone can find this cartoon in better quality and get me some sharper pics, I'll drop some HGP Fun Bucks your way.

Here's the blurry bayoneting in progress:

And I would be remiss if I didn't use the following awful joke:

"Fire in the hole!"

There, I feel filthy-dirty, as I should, for making that.

Okay, I'm almost certain this is the last of my bayonet pictures. If you want this extended to "Bayonet Fortnight," you best submit something quickly to HitlerPuncher AT gmail DOT com.

I'd also feel filthy-dirty if I didn't let you know this is a Terry Toons cartoon named The Last Roundup, which features the same horrific characters as the comic I posted a while back. It was directed by Mannie Davis, written by John Foster, and submitted by rcs.

Not a Punch, But That Never Stopped Me Before...

You know what I like about Goofy?

Everything.

Thanks again, Olaf for the pic, which I believe he found here, and is taken from The Disney That Never Was by Charles Solomon, a book that I am definitely putting on My Ever-Expanding Wish List.

Bayonet Week, Day Ten!

I have had the crappiest time trying to get this video to embed, so here's the direct link:

It's a series of short, animated Soviet propaganda films about Hilter. He comes off as a bit of a jerk. I wish I could get the damn thing to embed right.

But more importantly, I have been given screencaps!

Fascism's inglorious end, indeed.

Thanks to rcs, whose love of Bayonet Week has allowed it to last yet another day.

A Pity Indeed...

Hey, remember when Muhammed Ali took out a huge chunk of the German High Command?

Or was that just a beautiful fever dream?

Well, he wasn't the first pugilist to take a fictional crack at Hitler:


Eat your heart out, Jesse Owens.

This little excursion in wish fulfillment was drawn by cartoonist Tom Webster, and was first published in: The Daily Mail (London) on October 12, 1939. Thanks to Olaf for the submission.

Bayonet Week, Day Nine!

Even the Beatles didn't have weeks this long, folks. But I didn't want to deny anyone the joy of more Bayonet pics.

I'm just glad that Godwin's Law also applies to billboards:


Photo is from Getty Images. The caption states:

A view of a Soviet-style propoganda [sic] poster which depicts a Red Army soldier pointing a bayonet at a confused Hitler look-alike and reads "If you don't pay for heating you'll be punished!" in the center of eastern Ukrainian city of Donetsk on March 26, 2008. Posters likening people who don't pay their heating bills to Hitler are popping up in Donetsk, capital of the Russian-speaking part of Ukraine.

Harsh, dude. I'd hate to be bayoneted due to reductio ad Hitlerum.

Thank you, Alibear, for giving me the link.

If Hitler Thought Napoleon Was Tough...

Remember playing Mike Tyson's Punch-Out as a kid? No? You make me feel old. Indulge your elder, and play along anyway.

Remember how tough Sandman and Macho Man were? And then you finally get past him and got to Tyson (or Mr. Dream, if you bought it either Pre-NES or Post-conviction). Then Tyson almost instantaneously made you his bitch?

So yesterday it was Napoleon...and today...

...no amount of pressing select between rounds is gonna get you through three rounds with the Russian Winter.

Thanks to rcs for the picture.

Bayonet Week, Day Eight!

By popular demand¹, I'm extending Bayonet Week a little longer!

This is a British Christmas card that fills my May with the holiday spirit...

...just as it fills Hitler with a good foot of Sheffield steel.

Thanks to Mark for the submission!

---

1. By "popular demand," of course means "I have more than seven of these."

Vive la AWESOME.

I have to admit something...


I might - might - have a bit of a weakness for time traveling world leaders and/or celebrities making a fool of Hitler.

Napoleon did it first, he did it longer, and he did it with the French Army. Hitler, take a seat.

The Little Corsican Corporal showed the Little Austrian Sack of Shit how it's done in Rip Hunter, Time Master #20, written by Jack Miller with art by Bill Ely. You can find out more about it here.

A patented HGP "No-Shit Prize" to the first person who guesses who submitted this.

Bayonet Week, Day Seven!

As Bayonet Week enters day seven, I think we should all relax and have a nice game of cards.

I know I'm all in...

This playing card of Drag Queen Hitler getting stabbed was created by Antonia Arias Bernal and is part of an entire anti-Axis deck. I suspect you MAY see more of them sooner or later. And yes, Olaf dealt me this.

Bayonet Week, Day Six!

Good morning!

Now that Flex has left the building, I'm only doing one post a day on weekends, so Bayonet Week continues at an earlier time today. After yesterday's fistravaganza aimed at an ersatz Hitler on Mt. Reichsmore, Uncle Sam decides to chase Hitler right where he belongs:

TO HELL!

Let's just hope Sam doesn't make the same mistake Futuro did.

Olaf sent this anonymous postcard to me. Well, I guess it isn't anonymous. I just have no idea who drew it.

Bayonet Week, Day Five!

I look at this picture and think to myself:

Truly, this is why they are the GREATEST GENERATION.

And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Also, is it just me, or did a police sketch artist draw that target? It looks like an unfinished sketch of the Unabomber doing a Chaplin impression.

Olaf again with this picture of soldiers on a Pullman train methodically planning for the very real possibility that Hitler would be on the business end of one of their M-1 Garand's.

Gutzon Borglum Is Rolling in His Grave

You know, I'm willing to bet there are few things that could upset Uncle Sam more than if a certain Austrian War Criminal decided to add his face to a certain mountain in a certain Dakota...

I mean, I can't imagine he would take it well...


Not well AT all...


Uh huh. That's pretty much the response I expected.

Oh, Living Embodiment of the American Spirit, is there any problem you can't solve by punching?

God, I hope not. Or we are screwed.

This choice example of Knuckle-Based Hitler-Demolition appears in Justice League of America #108 - with more info to be found here. It was pencilled by Dick Dillin, inked by Dick Giordano, and submitted by Olaf, who is clearly NOT a Dick in any meaning of the word.

P.S. - if you knew what the title of this post meant without looking it up, kudos for paying attention in your Elementary School Social Studies class.

Bayonet Week, Day Four!

I like to imagine "Yakity Sax" playing while I read this:

I sincerely hope you do, too.

The cartoon is by the legendary Clifford Kennedy Berryman, the "Dean of American Cartoonists." I believe this drawing commemorates the exact moment Swastika House was put on Double Secret Probation.

Are you surprised at all that Olaf submitted this slice of joy?

I Almost Missed a Birthday..

Captain America recently turned 70. Which, I suppose I could say I had celebrated a couple of weeks ago with Cap #1 Tribute Week. But that would be a lie. And lies are nothing but Hitler-talk, mister.

This is a bit of a cheat, but it's been a while since I put up a pic of Cap decking the Fuhrer. And I miss that. Like the deserts miss Hitler getting punched:


Okay, it's really just a bunch of garden-variety Nazis getting punched, but if you squint you can pretend Cap is punching a GIANT MONOCHROME HITLER STANDING BY A NARROW WINDOW!

This cover is from the Captain America 70th Anniversary Special, with art by Marcos Martin. The issue itself is decent, with a James Robinson story about a scrawny Steve Rogers still capable of whuppin' Nazi ass, and a reprint of a Golden Age story from Kirby and Simon where Cap stops a man dressed in what appears to be a really halfassed Batman halloween costume from killing all the members of the Brooklyn Badgers, complete with Scooby-Doo ending.

Olaf submitted this to me, but for once I had already beaten him to the (Hitler) punch, as I already had it scheduled.

Bayonet Week, Day 3!

I think Hitler was trying to bite on Ben Franklin's classic "Don't Tread On Me" image here.

But he forgot to tell the Russkies not to stab on him!

Olaf pretty much sent me everything this week except on so far by the way. Including this one. Which is by some anonymous Communist, I suspect...

Futuro: Not a Very Good Judge of Character

Do you hate Hitler? Sure. We all do.

And, if you came here, you probably enjoy watching him suffer almost as much as I do. Which more or less makes this one solid right cross short of the perfect image for this site:


A comic book character dragging Hitler to hell.

Thanks go out to the ever delightful Alibear, who, incidentally is about to get the chance to do something that is probably second only to "travel back in time to punch Hitler" on my list of dream jobs - becoming a victim in a horror film.

And while trying to research the artist, I discovered it was a reprint of this:


According to the Grand Comics Database:

Time Traveling Super Hero Futuro along with his team The U.S. Futurians (Faith, Freedom, Truth, Courage, and Justice) kidnap Adolph Hitler and send him to Hell as punishment for his crimes only to discover that The Fuhrer and Satan make a deadly team.

I have to ask: how did he not see that coming?

I do not have any artist credits for this, sadly. But I think the U.S. Futurians would be a great band name.

Bayonet Week, Day Two!

Bayonet week continues today with a little geography lesson, courtesy of the Red Army:

"Germany is back that way, 'dolf."

Thanks again, Olaf. I wish I knew exactly who made this.

Tune in tomorrow when Bayonet Week explores the following question: what would happen if Hitler got bayoneted!

Eeny, Meeny, Miney...

...HITLER!

I can't quite figure out which actual comic Plastic Man decking the Three-Headed Axis Beast comes from, but I know that Jack Cole probably drew it, Olaf sent it to me, and that he found it here.

Oh god, I hope Olaf doesn't get so offended at that picture that he stops sending me pictures...

Bayonet Week, Day One!

I have developed a rather large collection of Hitler abuse imagery as this project has advanced. And while my first love is watching Hitler getting punched (in case you didn't know that already), I have to say, I'm charmed by the number of images I've found/been given that are based around Hitler getting bayoneted.

The last thing, I need to do is start YET ANOTHER BLOG, so instead:

I SMELL A THEME WEEK!

Tune in for a solid week of Hitler Getting Bayoneted! You'll be glad you did!

For the record, a rough translation of this poster is "We will mercilessly destroy and obliterate the enemy." Catchy.

This Soviet propaganda poster was created by the three-artist team known as Kukryniksy, and was submitted by Olaf.

Zen and the Art of Hitler Punching

One of the oddest of the Golden Age heroes is the Green Lama, a man with all the powers of Buddhism...

No really.

But when he takes a racist soldier named Jonesy on a trip to learn about treating others fairly, through the time honored tradition of meditating on the following Koan:

What is the sound of one hand......clapping Hitler across the face?

Well, I know I was enlightened.

The Green Lama enables Jonesy to achieve Satori in Green Lama #5, written by Richard Foster (real name Kendall Foster Crossen), and drawn by Mac Raboy. You can read the entire story here. It's surprisingly forward-thinking for the era.

Thanks to Olaf for the link.

It's Non-Alliterative Sunday!

For the Four Favorites frown on frivolity. Face facts: Fuhrer fisticuffs first; festive fun follows the finish of fighting:

Four separate Fuhrer beatdowns on one cover? That is value, my friends. Value.

And I guess I owed you all one for yesterday's dearth of knuckle-dusting.

Hitler encountered this tetrad of pain on the cover of Four Favorites #1, drawn by Jim Mooney. Special thanks to the delightfully wondrous Ali for tipping me off to this one. As always, click to enlarge.

It's Seven Simian Samurai Saturday!

I'm pretty sure I never specifically wished someone would conceive of a team of Primate Martial Artists working together to bring down the most evil man in history.



Bless you, Sweet Internet, for giving me what I didn't even know I needed.

Sure, in an ideal world, I'd be able to see more overt Hitler abuse, here. But I have a pretty good imagination for Ape-on-Nazi violence. And my mind's eye likes what it sees.

Seven Simian Samurai were created by Young Nam Heller. I tip seven adorable ape-caps to both him and rcs, who sent me the link.

Far More Satisfying Than Klingons...

Oh god...I apologize for that pun.

But seriously, how satisfying would it be to take out your frustrations on...

HITLER TOILET PAPER!

Thanks to The Alibear for providing me with this picture. If only it were quilted.

It's FORKLIFT FRIDAY!

God, I would pay good money* to read this comic:

Seriously? The Blue Beetle and Booster Gold running over Hitler with a forklift? Repeatedly (I can only assume)?

Sign me up.

I was overjoyed when I found this picture while searching for material for this blog, then saddened when I realized it wasn't real, then overjoyed when I realized that Alice Hunt and Tracy Williams are out in the world, making wonderful things happen.




*Well, I'd pay a lot of HGP Fun Bucks.**

**Actually, I'd probably pay real money. But I would draw someone punching Hitler on it.

I Defy You To Find Anything Wrong With This Woman:

Seriously, folks...

This is my second favorite woman ever.

This slice of radness was created by Les McClaine in an attempt to create the most awesome thing ever put on the side of a van ever. And you acheived your goal, Les.

Special thanks to my all-time favorite woman ever for submitting this to me. And Ali, I'm totally getting you a battle axe for Chanukah.

It's Throwin' Things Thursday!

You know, if I know anything about the relative strengh of these characters...


...Tojo just totally fucking died.

I think Hitler actually lucked out by getting the 14-year-old in underoos as his tormentor.

Superman fires a baseball at the speed of sound into Tojo's brain-pan, while Robin's 47mph heater glances lightly off the Fuhrer's brow in World's Finest #9, with art by Jack Burnley. Thanks to Mark for the heads up.

It's ALSO Vunderful Face-punch Vednesday!

I'll be honest with you: I was saddened to learn that Flex was retiring from HGP. I guess, given this uncertain economy, he's still upset that I only paid him in HGP Fun Bucks. But he will be missed. There's a lot of Hitler out there, and God knows, there's only so many hours a day we can each punch him.

Just when I thought I would never be happy again, I remembered the one thing that always cheers me up:

HITLER-PUNCHING!

Thanks to Pat Coopman for dragging me out of my funk with sweet, sweet chin-music! Click on it to make it HUGE.

And thanks again to Flex for the time and effort he put into this blog. Remember, old Hitler Punchers never die. They just take some time to let the knuckles heal.

Reasons to Never Stop Punching Hitler: He Keeps Making Money

Well, sort of. Ch-Ch-Check it out:

LONDON (Reuters) - A series of paintings believed to be by a young Adolf Hitler fetched nearly 98,000 pounds ($143,000) including premium at an auction in Britain, well in excess of pre-sale estimates.

Among them was a watercolor of a pensive figure sitting at the end of a stone bridge with the letters "A.H." written beside it, which sold for 10,000 pounds.

Fucked up, right? I mean, let's break this down: 1) I'm no artist, but Hitler's paintings are basically like Paint-By-Numbers for people that hate dreidels, 2) Paying $143,000 for Hitler-produced artwork is worse than Communism, 3) How come we ehn't seeing any of that fat money, huh? We have drug habits to feed too, dammit.*

But, I kid. We do this for the love of the craft, not the fabulous prizes, hot babes, or truckloads of money Wolter promised me when we started this. It's all about the love, baby.

*Note: the seller is probably not a drug addict.

Hat tip to Rat Patrol for the lead on the story

Note: All kidding aside, this will be my last post here. Keep up the awesome work Wolt. Good night and good luck.

It's Web Wednesday!

There is so much crazy going on in this that my brain cannot even parse it:

Okay, we have...

• The Web, a human dressed in a spiderweb cape, wrestling
• A spider with a very surprised Hitler head, in the air above
• A bald, vaguely offensive "Oriental" stereotype with a swastika on his forehead and a diaper over his naughty bits who is apparently beheading
• Everyone in France, if labels are to be believed. Meanwhile,
• Norway is apparently being hung, four at a time (or there are only four people in Norway...which might well be true, as long as they are all in Black Metal bands), and
• Czechslovakia is being gunned down by
• The reader, a la Doom. Which still fails to account for the fact that Germany is being represented by
• Gandhi leaning on a surfboard.
• Oh, and there's also a torch.

The Web confuses me (and no doubt Hitler) in Zip Comics #27 (or possibly #28), as drawn by the mysterious John Cassone (of whom I can find no biographical info). Picture submitted by the mysterious Olaf, of whom I also know precious few details...

I Think Sylvester the Cat Made the Same Mistake

Olaf seemed mildly chagrined that I threw that photoshop of his up yesterday.

And I quote:

Haha, you really put the condom punch up, Wolt!

Apologies to everyone! Except Hitler.

Well, Olaf, I will prove to the rest of the HGP readers that you're not a one-trick-pony:

I hope that le kangaroo "boxeurs" the hell out of him.

Thanks again for all the contributions, Olaf!

And if you have any Hitler-related art, by all means submit it to HitlerPuncher [at] gmail [dot] com!

Santa Fights Hitler: Ultimate Mega Showdown Rematch

As you may recall, this is not the first time these two titans of "guys who don't really hang out with Jews" faced off. This time however, it gets knocked up a notch:

Yeah, you got it. It's Santa Claus punching ROBOT HITLER with brass knuckles. The douche has it coming.

Hat tip to Olaf for the pic, the original of which can be found here.

It's Terry Toons Tuesday!

So is this adorable...or nightmare fuel?

I guess, as long as their on our side, I'll call them adorable.

P.S. - I'm learning that exposure to insane degrees of casual racism is the price one has to pay to get primo Hitler abuse.

Gandy and Sourpuss (yes, those are their real names) take on the Axis in Terry-Toons Comics #7. And if you wake up out of a fever dream that they appear in, blame Olaf.